it's been 2.5 years

date: 7.14.19

it’s been 2.5 years v.2

i wonder if this is really what it feels like to 

hold hands with you. 

(i don’t want to let go, my mother told me that’s the hardest part)

she told me to look up at the stars (it was a pitch

black night, but i knew that her next to me was the only light

that mattered), but i couldn’t see the signs she was professing. 

there was smoke lingering in the air above our heads.

i broke down 

how my past has been so destructive

and how i lust to put myself in situations that really

don’t need to happen but

what i’ve really been trying to say this entire time

is that i love the feeling of feeling

this happy and scared at the same time. (i’m lying)

sometimes in the quiet hours of the night, 

her hair entangles itself into mine and i guess that lately

i look to that as a sign 

of permanence in this fast paced life.

(no one has told me to slow down yet)

every so often i sleep just a little longer because my pillows 

smell just like her and i shed tears

at the way she cuddles up next to me.

i just hope that she’s here to stay.

fuck it feels good to be back.