it's been 4 years since i've written this

1.6.17

this one wasn’t supposed to be true

she kissed my broken lips at 12:00am 

(i’m not sure if they were cracked because 

i was drunk or because i smoked

a menthol maybe 34 minutes prior)

and whispered to me that 2017 was her year 

(it was our year, but really just her’s)

with an attitude that read “fuck what everyone thinks” 

in times new roman size 9. she wrote / emailed me letters 

back in summer.2015 and i told her how incredible 

i felt having her at my fingertips but i really couldn’t control

the fact that i was at hers. 

i was at hers last tuesday and the night

before that she held me so gentle and 

swore by her fingers interlocked in mine

that she was ready and the look of excitement 

in her eyes slightly mimicked mine because 

she had a glisten in her dilated eyes

when she revealed pieces of this mystery (at least that’s

what she called us) to someone else but now they know

and i’m not even sure if i know what they should know and

sometimes i cry at night because what’s keeping me

warm is the fact that you won’t be next to me in the morning.